crotch = brain

(warning: This blog involves massive generalizations about men and women. Your friends who do not fit into this are the exceptions that prove the rule.)

I've been putting a lot of thought into thinking about thinking. It's hella metacognitive. Because sometimes boys do things that make me think they are retarded. But not all boys could be retarded, right? ...Right?? Right. So here is my theory: in a nutshell (if you will), boys think like penises, and girls think like vaginas. (I would like to add here that Firefox has corrected "vaginas" to be "vaginae," which would be correct if we were speaking Latin. And in Latin that would be pronounced like wa-gee-nye. But I digress.)

So let's start with boys. They are more straightforward, literally. See, when they are aroused, when they want to mate with something, their penises stick straight out, alerting them that something needs fertilization. There is no middle ground. They know if they're gay because men make them have boners, they know if they like Japanese cartoon porn because they have boners, and we know when they like you, again, because of the boners. If they really like something, they get more of a boner. If they don't like something, well they just don't have a boner at all. And when you've climaxed, well there it is. Then your penis takes a nap. It's good to use your penis.

And for males, this makes the world fairly simple. Either something is boner-inducing or it is not. Boys don't get stuck doing things they actually don't want to do at all, boys aren't concerned that if they do certain things that someone else will be mad at them, and they definitely don't think that any sane person would do such things as aforementioned.

For girls, things are much different. The vagina is hidden. I had a friend who didn't know it was there until she was 13. It's very existence is hidden, as well as its function. We want to put things in it, but we're told not to. Do not use your vagina! But if you're thinking about using your vagina, no one can tell you what to expect. Sometimes your panties get wet when you're doing your math homework. But then when you're actually making out with someone you're just waiting for it to end. But let's be clear: not being aroused by men doesn't mean your a lesbian; neither does being aroused by lesbian porn. See, we ladies can do that. And how do you know when you've climaxed? Well, you just KNOW. Some girls THINK they've had orgasms. Most of them haven't. Isn't that weird? If you'd like to climax and you're not, you can just fake it! Now no one knows if you're not satisfied, sometimes not even you.

So you see, this is all very complicated. Arousal doesn't always mean you like something, nor does lack of arousal mean the contrary. And what exactly is getting aroused? How can a hole- a lack of matter- indicate arousal? And what about that clit thing that no one can find? How does THAT work? And do some girls like anal sex? Ohmigawd ew don't talk about that! Orgasms may be happening or they may not, we're not really sure. All of these questions mean that girl-thinking is not as direct as boys'. Girls sometimes go along with things they don't enjoy because they want the other person to like them. And other times girls worry about what people will think if they do certain things, like go out with another group of friends, or ask someone to please do the dishes more often. A girl's thoughts are hidden, and her motivations are varied and often indescribable.

There is nothing inherently wrong with thinking like a penis or a vagina. It's when you combine the two that problems arise. Boys don't understand girls because they don't realize that the girls are thinking like vaginas, and not like penises at all. Things are very complicated in a girl's head. She factors in things that boys don't even touch on. That's why boys always seem retarded, because the girl is four steps ahead of him, and she doesn't get why he's not there. But, ladies, you must remember that boys think like penises. Things are very simple for them, and you mustn't provide them with too much information at one time.

Now that we've cleared all this up, is there a practical application for it? No. Not really. Boys will still think like boys, and will still do stupid boy stuff like not say anything even though you dressed up all nice for him, and "fall asleep" when they were supposed to call. And they won't understand why you're upset. But then because they guy doesn't know why she's upset, the girl feels invalidated and begins to think she's really not upset. But then three days later you don't text her back fast enough and BAM she's screaming at you! So girls will still get upset when guys pull that shit, and guys, you will still be annoyed at them for it. It's a vicious cycle. Maybe if girls tried to be more direct in their communication and boys tried to be more receptive to what girls try to communicate, the world would be a better place. Or at least people would fight less and have sex more. That's cool, too.

Coolooloosh 4/2/09

So hella days ago I went to see Coolooloosh at a venue called "The Music Room" in Tel Aviv. On the way there I found a copy of an 18th century painting of some ladies in big dresses waving to some people in a carriage. They're in a garden and the sky is blue with puffy white clouds. It was in a dumpster. Clutching the rolled print, I waited an hour and a half for the band to come on. I was tired, but the rest of the people in the room took the opportunity to get smashed, which made them way more excited for Coolooloosh than I could understand. Midway through the set they brought on an old African-American guy who sang soul hits from the 70's. I am not at all interested in 70's soul, but apparently it struck some kind of sentimental chord in the crowd because they were really into it. White people love when they like black people music. One of my friends talked about him for the rest of the night, and another bought the Coolooloosh CD hoping Old Black Guy would be on it. He wasn't.

Although I was bored to tears, I gained a bit of understanding of Israeli culture in that smokey basement. Israelis get super into stuff, even when it sucks. It doesn't even matter that they're too naive to know that Old Black Guy isn't a real soul singer from the 70's. Israelis lack some of the cynicism that Americans often have. I could sit there and recognize that this guy was a hack, but the Israelis didn't seem to care. I like that about them.

Time Limits

Friendship can be a tricky thing. Sometimes you might really like someone, but sometimes they make you want to lock yourself in a closet. You know what I mean? Some people you can spend hours on end with, and some people –who may be perfectly nice—you can barely make it through a movie with. And it isn’t that you don’t like them, it’s just that your time limit is shorter.

You have time limits with everyone you know. Hopefully your longest time limits are with people you spend a lot of time with, like you partner. Otherwise, you have a problem! I think time limits are an overlooked aspect of friendship, but it is one of the most important factors. Even among the people I would call some of my closest friends, there are different time limits which greatly affect the way we interact.

Good friend #1. Good friend #1 rarely ever calls, and frequently ignores me on facebook chat. On the rare occasion that we actually see each other, we can spend a whole day together. Despite being kind of a crappy friend, he has a long time limit.

Good friend #2. Good friend #2 is an excellent friend. She always is seeing how I’m doing, she’s lent me money without me asking, and she’s always down for whatever. What a great friend! But I find that after 4 hours I start to lose it. That’s because she has a medium-length time limit.

Annoying girl #1. Annoying girl #1 is a very nice person, very cheerful. Too cheerful, actually. She was in my circle of friends for a while. I could tolerate her personality for an hour. After that I would excuse myself. And I would not agree to do anything with her which might stick me with her for longer than that.

Annoying girl #2. Annoying girl #2 was a challenge for me. Again, she is a nice person, and a good friend to those who have longer time limits on her. Unfortunately, my time limit with her was only a few minutes. After that I found it nearly impossible to not make snarky comments at her. She didn’t do anything to me, I just can’t be with her for more than five minutes. Other people seem to like her just fine.

Annoying guy #1. Poor Annoying guy #1. He has a negative time limit with me. I get irritated before he opens his mouth. Just seeing him makes me want to throw things at his nasty face. Again, this guy is perfectly nice. It just so happens that even the possibility of having to interact with him expends my entire time limit on him.

I think the idea of time limits on people is very real, and that people would benefit from adopting the concept. It really adds an interesting dimension when describing other people. And in cases where you have a short time limit on someone, you are able to put the onus on yourself, rather than blaming the person for their grating personality, which they just can’t help. It also is a way of clarifying why you like someone who maybe isn’t that great of a friend. Now you don’t have to feel bad when you get sick of hanging out with your best friends—it’s not your fault that some of them have shorter time limits!

Me According to Facebook According to You

Thanks for voting, people! I greatly enjoyed laughing at you getting things wrong. Here are the results!

If you like The Ramones, Pink Floyd, The Cure, David Bowie, and The Sex Pistols, you might like: 77% said The Clash. Correct!

If you like Bangun Tidur, Bangun, Pulang, and Mandi, you might like: 50% said Thai food. Wrong! I have no idea what these things are, but they all came up because I like BREAKFAST.

If you like Heavy metal music and Punk rock, you might like: 50% said psychobilly. Wrong! I do like psychobilly, but these came up because I like SKA.

If you like Neil Gaiman, you might like: 40% said Amanda Palmer, 40% said Coraline. Close enough! "Many who like AMANDA PALMER like Neil Gaiman," which is good because they are dating and it's always so awkward when you don't like your favorite celebrity's boyfriend.

If you like Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, Radiohead, and Animal Collective, you might like: 57% said Arcade Fire. Wrong! Fuck that, I like BEIRUT.

If you like Dinner and Sleep, you might like: 62% said sandwiches. Wrong! Only one person guessed correctly. BREAKFAST again has bested you.

If you liked Camping, Walking, Crocheting, Crafts, Painting, Cooking, Knitting, Reading, Country music, Scrapbooking, gardening, baking and CSI, you might like: 62% guessed sewing. Correct! For the record, I don't like camping or crafts; I can't crochet, paint, or knit; I can't cook or bake for shit; I do like a lot of country music, but I've never told anyone so clearly facebook read my mind; I hate CSI; and do people actually scrapbook? They don't just save a bunch of crap saying that they're going to use it in a book and then never do?

If you like Futurama, Family Guy, Scrubs, and Two and a Half Men, you might like: 50% said The Simpsons. Correct! But 37% said American Dad. People, no one likes that show. Come on.

If you like Social Distortion, you might like: 44% said The Clash. Wrong! The one person who said TIGER ARMY was a genius.

If you like HOPE not Hate, you might like: 44% said Israel/Palestine. Wrong! I do like Israel/Palestine, but this organization came up in response to liking BILLY BRAGG, who only one person voted for.

If you like Edward Scissorhands, you might like: 62% said Beetlejuice. Correct!

If you like The Notebook, you might like: 75% said Sex and the City. Fuck you! I've never seen The Notebook, and Sex and the City makes me throw up in my mouth. This one was suggested to me because I like MEAN GIRLS, which is a way more accurate/funny portrayal of female behavior.

If you like Traveling and Movies, you might like: 42% said concerts. Correct! I don't really like traveling or movies, but good job anyway.

And at the end of it all, I think two things are clear:
1. facebook suggestions were super nutty
2. democracy doesn't work

Me According to Facebook

At some point in our lives we ask ourselves “Who am I? Who do I want to be?” For a few months, facebook.com offered an array of suggestions for who you might be. Facebook featured a function called “Recommended pages” on the side of one’s News Feed which suggested things you might like according to what other people like who like the same things as you. It knows what you like because you’ve included it in your interests, activities, music, movies, and TV lists. But what if we could do this in reverse? Can you tell what I actually like based on what facebook thinks I might like? Vote in the polls to find out! The questions are all actual facebook suggestions based on the things I like, which are included in the possible answers. Answers will be posted in October after the polls close on 10/19. And don't go looking at my facebook profile, you would-be cheaters!

Rancid Ramblings

Warning: I am not a music critic. The following is my personal disjointed musing.

I grew up listening to Rancid with my dad, but I didn’t like them much. In the 90’s, they were a local punk band which played a few blocks from my house at 924 Gilman Street. But they soon found commercial success, and later became rather mainstream. Upon first hearing them, one might think they sound like a typical punk band. One would be wrong. Rather, the typical punk band is trying to sound like them. Despite their shocking foray into mainstream music, I now love Rancid. Like, a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Their music has always been solid and catchy (“Detroit”), and their lyrics are about my neighborhood!

One time at a ska show at Ashkenaz when I was 18, a man stole my chair. Not just any man, but a burly 6’+ man with a studded leather jacket and tattoos on his neck and eyebrows and knuckles. I bit him in an attempt to get my chair back. Then I asked him to be my prom date. He said he was 25, he wrote his number on my arm with sharpie, and he said his name was Jackyl.
From “Rats in the Hallway”: who tags up Jackyl Jackyl just clamped on unclampable shackels
rout up shoot up some dope to go
like legal currency it's money it's like that
rat tat tat kid got shot point blank in the back my land lord said
not to be bumming he was on cocaine stoop and he had it coming he had it coming?
he was only 12 years old he was in the blizzard he got shot for being cold
it don't seem right tonight hit the lights alright
watch the roaches run into the darkest room

And here he is again in “Daly City Train”:
Jackyl had a beer in his hand last time I seen him
When he rolled the dice he never thought twice
never thought twice about being him

Some grown up and some grow old
But what about the kid who never learned the rules?
Spent all these years on this earth
when you look back it's just a flicker of time

Jackyl was one of the one's that perished
Yeah, he was one of the ones that was already saved
Through all the evil and wreckage, yeah
he maintained a sense of himself

Some men are in prison even though they walk the streets at night
Other men who got the lockdown are free as a bird in flight
How 'bout the hour in the system that has ended
In a one-way line out measures could not stand it.


Is this the self-same Jackyl? Unless he was lying about his age, he would have been 14 when that song came out in 1993. I don’t think it’s really him, but how cool would it be if it was? If you’re reading this, please indulge me and pretend they’re the same person. Even if it’s not the same person, it’s definitely the same Oakland!

From “Another Night”: in the dark with the Oakland skyline
as I cross the city I avoid the landlines
all I wanna do is make it through without dying
all I wanna do is keep on trying

Even in the song called “Olympia WA” they’re talking about the East Bay:
Hangin' out with Lars down on 6th street
he knew I was in trouble
I was feeling much like the devil
there was something burnin' deep inside of me.

Ran into three Puerto Ricans
these girls took us to the funhouse
where we played a lonely pinball machine
Hangin' on the corner of 52nd. and Broadway
cars passin' by but none of them seem to be goin' my way
New York City well I wish I was on a highway
back to Olympia...

I totally lived on 6th Street!

And in “Listed MIA”: god damn it man I almost had it
threw me out the door and called me a faggot
I ain't done I've only yet begun
West Oakland is the place where I'm comin' from

Rancid gets all up in some social commentary all the time, like in “Whirlwind”:
my old man worked his troubled life in a nowhere dead end job
he drank the pain away I'll be damned if that's me having my dreams robbed
the working class carries a country that has been rotting inside for years
the pigs cuffed my old man in the front yard I saw through my eyes of tears
a promise to go to heaven won’t put salvation in sight

This is another cool verse from “The Wars End” that I totally can’t relate to because my parents both love Billy Brag:
Little Sammy was a punk rocker
You know his mother never understand him
Went into his room and smashed his Billy Bragg record
Didn't want him to hear that communist lecture


And some genuine punk sentiments, which they’re keeping positive in “Get Outta my Way”:
I dont wanna hurt you or cause any trouble
Get outta my way get outta my way
I'm trying to dance and move on the double
Get outta my way get outta my way
Don't want your lies and I don't want your rat race
I don't see any fun
In getting fucked up around this place

I played as much as you
Get outta my way get outta my way
Rich kid rich kid get outta my hair
Get outta my way get outta my way

I'll sing what I'll sing
I'll wear what I'll wear
Get outta my way get outta my way

I try to love mankind and I try to do what's right
But I can't do anything...
Get outta my way get outta my way

I dont wanna hurt you or cause any trouble
Get outta my way get outta my way
I'm trying to dance and move on the double
Get outta my way get outta my way
Who do you think you are
Do you think you're some kinda cop
Why did you come along you're a fuckin' cop!

They bring in funky instruments sometimes like in “Outta my Mind” where they have bongos and maracas. Even when they were first starting out they were good enough musicians to be able to branch out from the bass-guitar-drums trio.

…And Out Come the Wolves is a work of genius. It is so dancy. It really picks up around the middle, too. “Ruby Soho” and “Daly City Train” are perfect songs. They even got hand claps up in there! One thing I love about ska or ska-influenced music is that it is self-referencing. The ska songs are about ska. An example of exquisite ska is “Time Bomb.” And in “Roots Radical,” they’re referencing ska AND talking about a local bus route AND my mom’s name is Carol!

the radio was playin' Desmond Dekker was singin'
on the 43 bus as we climb up the hill
nothin' incoming but the reggae drummin'
and we all come from unloving homes
I say, why even bother I pick up the bottle
hey Mr. bus driver please let these people on
rude girl Carol was a mini-skirt girl
my blurry vision saw nothin' wrong.

The quintessential Rancid song is “Journey to the End of the East Bay,” which I sing to myself whenever I’m on BART or going on a huge mission through the Bay Area And they’re referencing their massively influential if brief former band, Operation Ivy:
Reconcile to the belief
consumed in sacred ground for me
there wasn't always a place to go
but there was always an urgent need to belong yeah

All these bands and all these people
All these friends and we were equals but
what you gonna do when everybody goes on without you?
To the end to the end I'll journey to the end

Started in 87 ended in 89
got a garage or an amp we'll play anytime
it was just the 4 of us, yeah man the core of us
too much attention unavoidably destroyed us
4 kids on tour, 3000 miles in a 4-door car not know what was goin' on
we got a million years
tourin' out like this
hell no no premonition coulda seen this

Matty came from far away
From New Orleans into the East Bay
He said "this is a Mecca"
I said "this ain't no Mecca man, this place's fucked!"
3 months go by, he had no home, he had no food, he's all alone
Matty said fool me once shame on you he said fool me twice
He went back to New Orleans

In conclusion, Rancid is a fucking tight band. And for those of you in the Bay Area, don’t forget that they’re local. They did a shit ton for punk, and they’re just plain fun to listen to.

The Bedouins According to Al Jazeera

Al Jazeera English (AJE) recently ran an article about Israel’s Bedouins. My first question is how a guy like the author, Ben White, has any insight into Bedouin affairs and identity. Rather than raising legitimate concerns about Bedouin society, both by itself and in relation to Israel, White seeks to ridiculously slander Israel. And if you think I’m being paranoid, he’s written a book entitled “Israeli Apartheid: A Beginner’s Guide.” Excellent.

So who are the Bedouins? The Bedouins lived nomadically in Israel for centuries. Because they didn’t own land, they were easy victims of exploitation by many empires. Nowadays, some Bedouins live in the North, some in the West Bank, and some in the Negev (southern desert.) According to a source in Israel who had close ties with a number of Bedouins, the Northern Bedouins identify mainly as Israeli. She said they recognize that if a suicide bomber comes, he’s not going to not kill them because they are Arab. Moreover, some are afraid to go into the West Bank for fear of being targeted as a “traitor.” The Bedouins in the West Bank are under the jurisdiction of the Palestinian Authority. The Negev Bedouins, the focus of the article, have a bad reputation in Israel for stealing cars, prostitution, and smuggling drugs and weapons, but that is neither here nor there. Some of them live in villages which receive social services and infrastructure from Israel, while some live in unrecognized villages. I visited an unrecognized village in the Negev last year. Why does Israel refuse to recognize these villages? They are too small and remote. It’s just not worth it for Israel to create infrastructure (sewage, water, electricity, etc) in a distant location for just 100 people. Our host complained about water and electricity challenges, but he had a cell phone. Nevertheless, life is tough for Bedouins in the Negev.

The article suggests that Israel is using a “divide and conquer” tactic to separate Bedouins from Palestinians. When I raised the issue of Bedouins considering themselves Palestinian to my Israeli contact and to other local Israelis, they all needed some clarification. My question was so out of touch with reality that they had to make sure they understood what I was asking. Bedouins do not consider themselves Palestinian. Palestinians do not consider themselves related to the Bedouin. So rather than the Israelis using a “divide and conquer” strategy to exploit Palestinians (and “Palestinian Bedouins”), Ben White is using a “unite and manipulate” maneuver. He’s changing the identity of the Bedouins to enhance the claims of Israeli crimes against the Palestinians. He’s making it seem like this is just another way Israel screws Palestinians. So when Ben White says “even the category of 'Bedouin' is historically and politically loaded, with many disputing what they see as an Israeli 'divide and rule' strategy towards the Palestinians,” he is full of camel shit.

Separate from Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians, Israel is the first nation to give any kind of rights to the Bedouins. Many Negev Bedouins today live in towns. My Israeli contact described the common situation where the family lives in a house, and the grandparents live in a tent in the backyard. Clearly a shift is taking place. Unemployment is high among the Bedouins, and many of them receive social services from the Israeli government. They are not drafted, but many Bedouins have served with distinction in the IDF, even representing Israel abroad. Much of the arid Negev land is owned by the military. When asked about Bedouins feeling displaced from their land, my contact paused before explaining the obvious—Bedouins don’t have a sense of land ownership. They don’t own land, and they don’t pay rent to live on others’ land. This has raised some conflicts, since the Israeli government does have a concept of land ownership, and Bedouins have been known to set up shop on Army grounds. I am still baffled by his insistence that the Bedouins have a ”determination to stay,” completely denying the fact that HELLO! this is a historically nomadic people. In other words, they move. On their own accord. Frequently.

To lend his article an air of legitimacy, Ben White of course slips in some references to Jewish conspiracies.
+Uh-oh, the “familiar partnership of the Israeli state and the Jewish National Fund.” Obviously the State of Israel is going to work closely with an organization that fundraises for it and does such fanatical acts as plant trees. And trust me, the JNF and Israel have other things to talk about besides “targeting” unrecognized Bedouin villages… like taking over the world and controlling all the banks, duh.
+“Those who remained were forcibly concentrated by the Israeli military in an area known as the 'siyag' (closure).” Oops, when it’s not defending itself from like, the entire Arab world (and Iran!), the IDF corrals Bedouins in cages. Or something.
+“It is not, therefore, hard to read between the lines when Israeli policy makers and Zionist officials from organisations like the Jewish National Fund talk about 'developing the Negev'.” (Apparently Israel should not be allowed to use its own land for agriculture and housing its own citizens—including Arabs.)
And in case you again suspect me of being paranoid, please check out how hot conspiracy theories are in the Arab world. And of course, accusing Jews of conspiring is nothing new.

It is disgusting that someone would distort a group’s identity to further his own political agenda. What is even more disturbing is that an international news source would publish it. AJE says that the views of the author do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of AJE. Fine, but I would like to see AJE publish something that suggests that it’s possible that maybe once Israel wasn’t doing something diabolical. Click here for the nicest piece I’ve ever read in regards to Israel by AJE.

Confessions of a Fan Girl pt. 2-- Fan Girl/Band Boy Relations

One remarkable thing about Matches shows was that the Matches and their supporting bands were not the only ones performing—each audience member had a role to play. This does not apply to all bands, but I suspect that many have a similar situation with their fans. At concerts, there is a stark division between the Band Boys and the Fan Girls. Terrible things happen when the line is blurred. (In the case of the Matches, their male fans also count as Fan Girls, with a few minor distinctions.)

As a Fan Girl, you cannot take your eyes off the Band Boys on stage. No matter if your favorite Band Boy is playing blindfolded, it is important to convince yourself that “he smiled at me” during the set. The level of embarrassment felt about this likely-imagined compliment is inversely proportional to the probability of sharing this incident with your friends. After the set you must wait around until your Band Boys emerge from backstage. Band Boys are People You Have To Talk To, obviously. If you have to wait in a line or a throng to address you Band Boy, that is ok. It is important to talk to him because eventually he might remember who you are. Then you will be close, personal friends. Remember, you have to be outstanding to be remembered, so act really interesting. A good conversation will go like this:

FG: Hey!
BB: Hey!
*sweaty hug*
FG: How are you?
BB: I’m going good. How ‘bout you?
FG: I’m great!
BB: Cool. Yeah, that’s cool.
FG: Yeah.
BB: Alright. Well, cool.
FG: Alright, yeah. Cool.

At this point your Band Boy may be distracted by other obligations or obnoxious Fan Girls. It is best to walk away and act like that was a normal conversation. Later, you will recount it verbatim with your friends, who may have similar experiences to share. You will then judge the Band Boy on his friendliness. Matches fans have a tendency to be haters, so they often ridicule their Band Boys for not remembering them, not being interested in them, or not being friendly enough. If you’re feeling positive, you can tell your friends how cool it was to talk to this Band Boy, and how he seemed like a really nice person. This is all done in the hopes that if you are able to meet, remember, and judge someone, he might remember who you are at all. After all, that’s only fair. He might even mention you to someone else, perhaps because of how cute you are, or your winning smile, or your praise of his band. Wow, that would be cool. If it’s possible, remember to slip in a really interesting detail in your conversation with him, such as an accomplishment, new tattoo, or something about how great his band is.

When dealing with Band Boys, it is always true that you want to sleep with them. Boyfriends, being a straight boy, and the huge risk of contracting an STD are not acceptable excuses. They are also assuming that you would be a willing sexual partner. You might tell your friends that sleeping with a certain Band Boy would mess up your “friendship,” but you’re lying. You might be saying this to gain credibility from the already intimate relationship that you have with him, which for some reason he entered into without the intention of getting some snatch. You also might be saying this to make your failure to secure a sexual encounter seem like your own choice, rather than a repeated disappointment.

What happens when the barriers in the Fan Girl/Band Boy relationship are broken? Terrible things. Once you get to know your Band Boy on a personal level, you run the very real risk that you won’t like him. Or worse, that he might not like you. This completely changes things at shows, because you have breached the Fan Girl/Band Boy code. Even if you do like each other, it still creates awkward situations at shows. You can’t wait in line to talk to a friend. You can’t ask a friend to sign something. What kind of a conversation can you have with a friend when he is surrounded by 16 year old girls? Your former relationship is completely destroyed, for the sake of one which is much less stable. You might get into a fight with your new friend. One of you might reject the other’s advances, which is bound to happen when boys and girls are friends. Or maybe you sleep together and he doesn’t call you for 3 weeks. Befriending a Band Boy puts your ability to go to concerts at great risk. You might lose it all!

Remember, the Fan Girl/Band Boy relationship is a beautiful and sacred thing. It is better when everyone plays their part. If you must violate the sacred code, do so with care. I appreciate the extent to which the Matches played their part, and I enjoyed (making fun of) playing mine.