One remarkable thing about Matches shows was that the Matches and their supporting bands were not the only ones performing—each audience member had a role to play. This does not apply to all bands, but I suspect that many have a similar situation with their fans. At concerts, there is a stark division between the Band Boys and the Fan Girls. Terrible things happen when the line is blurred. (In the case of the Matches, their male fans also count as Fan Girls, with a few minor distinctions.)
As a Fan Girl, you cannot take your eyes off the Band Boys on stage. No matter if your favorite Band Boy is playing blindfolded, it is important to convince yourself that “he smiled at me” during the set. The level of embarrassment felt about this likely-imagined compliment is inversely proportional to the probability of sharing this incident with your friends. After the set you must wait around until your Band Boys emerge from backstage. Band Boys are People You Have To Talk To, obviously. If you have to wait in a line or a throng to address you Band Boy, that is ok. It is important to talk to him because eventually he might remember who you are. Then you will be close, personal friends. Remember, you have to be outstanding to be remembered, so act really interesting. A good conversation will go like this:
FG: Hey!
BB: Hey!
*sweaty hug*
FG: How are you?
BB: I’m going good. How ‘bout you?
FG: I’m great!
BB: Cool. Yeah, that’s cool.
FG: Yeah.
BB: Alright. Well, cool.
FG: Alright, yeah. Cool.
At this point your Band Boy may be distracted by other obligations or obnoxious Fan Girls. It is best to walk away and act like that was a normal conversation. Later, you will recount it verbatim with your friends, who may have similar experiences to share. You will then judge the Band Boy on his friendliness. Matches fans have a tendency to be haters, so they often ridicule their Band Boys for not remembering them, not being interested in them, or not being friendly enough. If you’re feeling positive, you can tell your friends how cool it was to talk to this Band Boy, and how he seemed like a really nice person. This is all done in the hopes that if you are able to meet, remember, and judge someone, he might remember who you are at all. After all, that’s only fair. He might even mention you to someone else, perhaps because of how cute you are, or your winning smile, or your praise of his band. Wow, that would be cool. If it’s possible, remember to slip in a really interesting detail in your conversation with him, such as an accomplishment, new tattoo, or something about how great his band is.
When dealing with Band Boys, it is always true that you want to sleep with them. Boyfriends, being a straight boy, and the huge risk of contracting an STD are not acceptable excuses. They are also assuming that you would be a willing sexual partner. You might tell your friends that sleeping with a certain Band Boy would mess up your “friendship,” but you’re lying. You might be saying this to gain credibility from the already intimate relationship that you have with him, which for some reason he entered into without the intention of getting some snatch. You also might be saying this to make your failure to secure a sexual encounter seem like your own choice, rather than a repeated disappointment.
What happens when the barriers in the Fan Girl/Band Boy relationship are broken? Terrible things. Once you get to know your Band Boy on a personal level, you run the very real risk that you won’t like him. Or worse, that he might not like you. This completely changes things at shows, because you have breached the Fan Girl/Band Boy code. Even if you do like each other, it still creates awkward situations at shows. You can’t wait in line to talk to a friend. You can’t ask a friend to sign something. What kind of a conversation can you have with a friend when he is surrounded by 16 year old girls? Your former relationship is completely destroyed, for the sake of one which is much less stable. You might get into a fight with your new friend. One of you might reject the other’s advances, which is bound to happen when boys and girls are friends. Or maybe you sleep together and he doesn’t call you for 3 weeks. Befriending a Band Boy puts your ability to go to concerts at great risk. You might lose it all!
Remember, the Fan Girl/Band Boy relationship is a beautiful and sacred thing. It is better when everyone plays their part. If you must violate the sacred code, do so with care. I appreciate the extent to which the Matches played their part, and I enjoyed (making fun of) playing mine.
