(warning: This blog involves massive generalizations about men and women. Your friends who do not fit into this are the exceptions that prove the rule.)
I've been putting a lot of thought into thinking about thinking. It's hella metacognitive. Because sometimes boys do things that make me think they are retarded. But not all boys could be retarded, right? ...Right?? Right. So here is my theory: in a nutshell (if you will), boys think like penises, and girls think like vaginas. (I would like to add here that Firefox has corrected "vaginas" to be "vaginae," which would be correct if we were speaking Latin. And in Latin that would be pronounced like wa-gee-nye. But I digress.)
So let's start with boys. They are more straightforward, literally. See, when they are aroused, when they want to mate with something, their penises stick straight out, alerting them that something needs fertilization. There is no middle ground. They know if they're gay because men make them have boners, they know if they like Japanese cartoon porn because they have boners, and we know when they like you, again, because of the boners. If they really like something, they get more of a boner. If they don't like something, well they just don't have a boner at all. And when you've climaxed, well there it is. Then your penis takes a nap. It's good to use your penis.
And for males, this makes the world fairly simple. Either something is boner-inducing or it is not. Boys don't get stuck doing things they actually don't want to do at all, boys aren't concerned that if they do certain things that someone else will be mad at them, and they definitely don't think that any sane person would do such things as aforementioned.
For girls, things are much different. The vagina is hidden. I had a friend who didn't know it was there until she was 13. It's very existence is hidden, as well as its function. We want to put things in it, but we're told not to. Do not use your vagina! But if you're thinking about using your vagina, no one can tell you what to expect. Sometimes your panties get wet when you're doing your math homework. But then when you're actually making out with someone you're just waiting for it to end. But let's be clear: not being aroused by men doesn't mean your a lesbian; neither does being aroused by lesbian porn. See, we ladies can do that. And how do you know when you've climaxed? Well, you just KNOW. Some girls THINK they've had orgasms. Most of them haven't. Isn't that weird? If you'd like to climax and you're not, you can just fake it! Now no one knows if you're not satisfied, sometimes not even you.
So you see, this is all very complicated. Arousal doesn't always mean you like something, nor does lack of arousal mean the contrary. And what exactly is getting aroused? How can a hole- a lack of matter- indicate arousal? And what about that clit thing that no one can find? How does THAT work? And do some girls like anal sex? Ohmigawd ew don't talk about that! Orgasms may be happening or they may not, we're not really sure. All of these questions mean that girl-thinking is not as direct as boys'. Girls sometimes go along with things they don't enjoy because they want the other person to like them. And other times girls worry about what people will think if they do certain things, like go out with another group of friends, or ask someone to please do the dishes more often. A girl's thoughts are hidden, and her motivations are varied and often indescribable.
There is nothing inherently wrong with thinking like a penis or a vagina. It's when you combine the two that problems arise. Boys don't understand girls because they don't realize that the girls are thinking like vaginas, and not like penises at all. Things are very complicated in a girl's head. She factors in things that boys don't even touch on. That's why boys always seem retarded, because the girl is four steps ahead of him, and she doesn't get why he's not there. But, ladies, you must remember that boys think like penises. Things are very simple for them, and you mustn't provide them with too much information at one time.
Now that we've cleared all this up, is there a practical application for it? No. Not really. Boys will still think like boys, and will still do stupid boy stuff like not say anything even though you dressed up all nice for him, and "fall asleep" when they were supposed to call. And they won't understand why you're upset. But then because they guy doesn't know why she's upset, the girl feels invalidated and begins to think she's really not upset. But then three days later you don't text her back fast enough and BAM she's screaming at you! So girls will still get upset when guys pull that shit, and guys, you will still be annoyed at them for it. It's a vicious cycle. Maybe if girls tried to be more direct in their communication and boys tried to be more receptive to what girls try to communicate, the world would be a better place. Or at least people would fight less and have sex more. That's cool, too.
