"It'll be just like you were never gone."

Seeing The Matches again after 5 years was one of the greatest weeks of my life! They first played a "secret" show, which they were wont to do back in the day. The venue they picked was in the building across the parking lot from iMusicast, where all of this started. (iMusicast folded.) I immediately started running into friends, including some I hadn't seen in 7 or more years. And I mean that literally: seeing people and running into their arms. Everyone felt weird but really happy.

I cannot describe the level of euphoria I (and I think everyone) felt as soon as The Matches started playing. Besides that the fans were reunited, and besides that it's our favorite music, and besides that it'd been a long time, The Matches' joy was infectious. They were obviously just as happy to be back as we were, which made us even happier. This is what people mean when they talk about "the energy" of a band.

I didn't know if I'd be able to mosh in a long skirt, I didn't know if I'd be able to mosh now that I'm in my late 20's, I didn't know if I'd have that feeling of absolutely losing your shit to some music. I could! I did! We all did! We sang, we danced, we hugged, we smiled until our faces hurt.

For that whole week, the L3ers were tagging each other in pictures, videos, and emotional facebook posts. So even when were weren't physically at the venues, we got washed in a bath of constant love online. Did that sound sexual? Sorry. Seeing them two more times was amazing; I didn't feel tired of my friends, of the music, or of moshing. The Matches mosh pit is my happy place.

The Matches mean a lot to their fans, and many of them have personal stories about how their music got them through hard times. Indeed, The Matches' music got me to face one of my greatest fears. While everyone was looking forward to the reunion with eager anticipation, I was growing increasingly anxious. Standing stage right at the first show was my own, personal rapist.

And I. Did. Not. Care.

Nothing could stop me from being happy in those moments. I saw my own rapist and laughed. I saw him again when I left the venue on Thursday: he was sitting alone on his motorcycle outside the club, looking at his phone. I was with my sister, soaking in a sweat cocktail. On Saturday, my friends called me over to join their picture, and he was right there talking to someone (though not invited to the picture.) It gives me comfort knowing that my friends and others know what he is. I'm glad I haven't been carrying this around inside me for the past six years. These L3ers who moshed with me and posted photos with sappy captions with me-- these are the people who believed me and supported me the most. Music carrying one through dark times: live in action!

I don't think it's possible to understand The Matches fans' ardor unless you were there. For those who already bleed audio, here's a memento:
Video courtesy of BxB. (See if you can spot You-Know-Who!)

924 Gilman St

924 Gilman Street (also known as The Gilman Street Project or simply The Gilman) is an all-ages, community-run venue and community center in Berkeley, CA, which opened its doors in 1986. Bands such as Operation Ivy, Rancid, AFI, and Green Day began their careers there.

1. I moved a few blocks away from The Gilman in 1995, when I was 9 years old. I used to get off the bus across the street from it, and there were always hooligans in tattered black clothes outside. However, they posed much less of a threat than the booze-hounds laying across the sidewalk after drowning their livers at Pyramid Brewery, which opened a few years later. Mood: cautious

2. I began going to local concerts in 2002, mostly at the now-defunct iMusicast in north Oakland. I literally went to hundreds of shows without going to The Gilman. I thought the punks would beat me up for not being punk enough. Mood: fear

3. By age 20, I was too old to go to The Gilman, even if I had wanted to. On the bright side, I figured an old geezer like myself was safe from assault. Mood: old

4. In May 2010, The Phenomenauts were playing a show at The Gilman. I went. I got a membership card on which I pledged: no drinking, no drugs, no violence. It cost $2. The walls were black and covered in graffiti. Besides band members and parents, I was probably one of the 5 oldest people there. (And if you've been doing the math, that means I was 24.) There was a kid in a studded denim vest who looked to be about 8. It made me want to be an elementary school teacher. I took my earplugs out for 3 songs and my ears rang for 3 days. I went to my parents' house when I had to pee. Mood: love

Amanda Fucking Palmer

they don't play the song on the radio
they don't show the tits in the video
they don't know that we are the media
they don't know that we start the mania
I don't want to see but I'm making you
ass is off its seat and I'm shaking you
walking down the street I'm the lady - ja
showing off my map of Tasmania

soft and sweet and shape like a triangle!
some girls want no shape and they shave it all
I think sad it hurts with the stubble
walking around look like an eight year old!
I say grow that shit like a jungle
give 'em something strong to hold onto
let it fly in the open wind
if it get too bushy you can trim

This is the most recent reason why I love Amanda Palmer. It started with the Dresden Dolls, who embodied a pre-steampunk, dark humor that I loved. Don't ask me what steampunk is, but the Dresden Dolls were there first. Then I saw her perform solo and I saw what a real musician should be. This lady loves her dorky ass fans. They shout random shit at her on stage, and she responds. She plays their requests and laughs at their heckling. She dropped her record label and sells her music at whatever price the buyer names. And she makes colorful music videos about getting raped and abortions. And Oasis. And how your friend Melissa can be a total bitch but whatever.

As if this wasn't enough, she teamed up with Jason Webley to perform as Evelyn Evelyn, a set of conjoined twins who suffered a traumatic upbringing but are still innocently eager to please. Songs range from morbid to silly to ironic (for example, their ukulele cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart"). My favorite is Elephant Elephant. It's about having an elephant.

And then she birthed "Map of Tasmania," and I knew I would never stop loving her. The lyrics are hilarious. The style is totally different from her other songs. And the video is pretty, even though it's about pubes. Amanda Fucking Palmer: what a G.

Rancid Ramblings

Warning: I am not a music critic. The following is my personal disjointed musing.

I grew up listening to Rancid with my dad, but I didn’t like them much. In the 90’s, they were a local punk band which played a few blocks from my house at 924 Gilman Street. But they soon found commercial success, and later became rather mainstream. Upon first hearing them, one might think they sound like a typical punk band. One would be wrong. Rather, the typical punk band is trying to sound like them. Despite their shocking foray into mainstream music, I now love Rancid. Like, a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Their music has always been solid and catchy (“Detroit”), and their lyrics are about my neighborhood!

One time at a ska show at Ashkenaz when I was 18, a man stole my chair. Not just any man, but a burly 6’+ man with a studded leather jacket and tattoos on his neck and eyebrows and knuckles. I bit him in an attempt to get my chair back. Then I asked him to be my prom date. He said he was 25, he wrote his number on my arm with sharpie, and he said his name was Jackyl.
From “Rats in the Hallway”: who tags up Jackyl Jackyl just clamped on unclampable shackels
rout up shoot up some dope to go
like legal currency it's money it's like that
rat tat tat kid got shot point blank in the back my land lord said
not to be bumming he was on cocaine stoop and he had it coming he had it coming?
he was only 12 years old he was in the blizzard he got shot for being cold
it don't seem right tonight hit the lights alright
watch the roaches run into the darkest room

And here he is again in “Daly City Train”:
Jackyl had a beer in his hand last time I seen him
When he rolled the dice he never thought twice
never thought twice about being him

Some grown up and some grow old
But what about the kid who never learned the rules?
Spent all these years on this earth
when you look back it's just a flicker of time

Jackyl was one of the one's that perished
Yeah, he was one of the ones that was already saved
Through all the evil and wreckage, yeah
he maintained a sense of himself

Some men are in prison even though they walk the streets at night
Other men who got the lockdown are free as a bird in flight
How 'bout the hour in the system that has ended
In a one-way line out measures could not stand it.


Is this the self-same Jackyl? Unless he was lying about his age, he would have been 14 when that song came out in 1993. I don’t think it’s really him, but how cool would it be if it was? If you’re reading this, please indulge me and pretend they’re the same person. Even if it’s not the same person, it’s definitely the same Oakland!

From “Another Night”: in the dark with the Oakland skyline
as I cross the city I avoid the landlines
all I wanna do is make it through without dying
all I wanna do is keep on trying

Even in the song called “Olympia WA” they’re talking about the East Bay:
Hangin' out with Lars down on 6th street
he knew I was in trouble
I was feeling much like the devil
there was something burnin' deep inside of me.

Ran into three Puerto Ricans
these girls took us to the funhouse
where we played a lonely pinball machine
Hangin' on the corner of 52nd. and Broadway
cars passin' by but none of them seem to be goin' my way
New York City well I wish I was on a highway
back to Olympia...

I totally lived on 6th Street!

And in “Listed MIA”: god damn it man I almost had it
threw me out the door and called me a faggot
I ain't done I've only yet begun
West Oakland is the place where I'm comin' from

Rancid gets all up in some social commentary all the time, like in “Whirlwind”:
my old man worked his troubled life in a nowhere dead end job
he drank the pain away I'll be damned if that's me having my dreams robbed
the working class carries a country that has been rotting inside for years
the pigs cuffed my old man in the front yard I saw through my eyes of tears
a promise to go to heaven won’t put salvation in sight

This is another cool verse from “The Wars End” that I totally can’t relate to because my parents both love Billy Brag:
Little Sammy was a punk rocker
You know his mother never understand him
Went into his room and smashed his Billy Bragg record
Didn't want him to hear that communist lecture


And some genuine punk sentiments, which they’re keeping positive in “Get Outta my Way”:
I dont wanna hurt you or cause any trouble
Get outta my way get outta my way
I'm trying to dance and move on the double
Get outta my way get outta my way
Don't want your lies and I don't want your rat race
I don't see any fun
In getting fucked up around this place

I played as much as you
Get outta my way get outta my way
Rich kid rich kid get outta my hair
Get outta my way get outta my way

I'll sing what I'll sing
I'll wear what I'll wear
Get outta my way get outta my way

I try to love mankind and I try to do what's right
But I can't do anything...
Get outta my way get outta my way

I dont wanna hurt you or cause any trouble
Get outta my way get outta my way
I'm trying to dance and move on the double
Get outta my way get outta my way
Who do you think you are
Do you think you're some kinda cop
Why did you come along you're a fuckin' cop!

They bring in funky instruments sometimes like in “Outta my Mind” where they have bongos and maracas. Even when they were first starting out they were good enough musicians to be able to branch out from the bass-guitar-drums trio.

…And Out Come the Wolves is a work of genius. It is so dancy. It really picks up around the middle, too. “Ruby Soho” and “Daly City Train” are perfect songs. They even got hand claps up in there! One thing I love about ska or ska-influenced music is that it is self-referencing. The ska songs are about ska. An example of exquisite ska is “Time Bomb.” And in “Roots Radical,” they’re referencing ska AND talking about a local bus route AND my mom’s name is Carol!

the radio was playin' Desmond Dekker was singin'
on the 43 bus as we climb up the hill
nothin' incoming but the reggae drummin'
and we all come from unloving homes
I say, why even bother I pick up the bottle
hey Mr. bus driver please let these people on
rude girl Carol was a mini-skirt girl
my blurry vision saw nothin' wrong.

The quintessential Rancid song is “Journey to the End of the East Bay,” which I sing to myself whenever I’m on BART or going on a huge mission through the Bay Area And they’re referencing their massively influential if brief former band, Operation Ivy:
Reconcile to the belief
consumed in sacred ground for me
there wasn't always a place to go
but there was always an urgent need to belong yeah

All these bands and all these people
All these friends and we were equals but
what you gonna do when everybody goes on without you?
To the end to the end I'll journey to the end

Started in 87 ended in 89
got a garage or an amp we'll play anytime
it was just the 4 of us, yeah man the core of us
too much attention unavoidably destroyed us
4 kids on tour, 3000 miles in a 4-door car not know what was goin' on
we got a million years
tourin' out like this
hell no no premonition coulda seen this

Matty came from far away
From New Orleans into the East Bay
He said "this is a Mecca"
I said "this ain't no Mecca man, this place's fucked!"
3 months go by, he had no home, he had no food, he's all alone
Matty said fool me once shame on you he said fool me twice
He went back to New Orleans

In conclusion, Rancid is a fucking tight band. And for those of you in the Bay Area, don’t forget that they’re local. They did a shit ton for punk, and they’re just plain fun to listen to.