The Cupcake Cycle

Until age 17, I was extremely insecure. I went to a small private school, and I did my best to infiltrate the popular clique, despite the fact that I had plenty of non-popular friends. I never succeeded. I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me, attempting new styles, and generally being really annoying in my effort to fit in. What is ironic, though, is that the more effort I put into it, the worse off I was. When you are insecure, people know, and they don’t appreciate it. It becomes a vicious cycle of being insecure, the insecurity limiting your social options, and that, in turn, leading to more insecurity.

But fuck that.

There is an opposite of a vicious cycle. I call it a cupcake cycle. In a cupcake cycle, one’s self-confidence promotes social well-being, which in turn leads to more self-confidence. This really happens! At 17 I decided that being insecure was a huge waste of time, and I stopped. Once I started acting like myself and like I was worth something, people started to believe it. And once people started to think I was worth something, well then shoot! maybe I really am worth something! And so it went. My personality really blossomed in that time, and my diaries became way less annoying to read over.

One of the best parts of being self-confident is having the power to “inspire” others to feel the same. For instance, my college friend Maliya was insecure, even though she was beautiful and smart and fun to be with. So basically I broke it down for her, and she started faking confidence, which made people think she had a reason to be so confident, which lead to real confidence. And now she’s fucking awesome! She has way less drama in her life. With her newfound confidence, she can basically do anything. And better yet, she is now able to drag her 17 year old sister into her own cupcake cycle. It’s beautiful!

If you want to be confident yourself, make sure you stay true to yourself. Confidently being someone else is called acting, and chances are you’re bad at that.

(By the way, it was Maliya who came up with “cupcake cycle” when I was looking for the opposite of a vicious cycle. See how funny she is? I still loved her, but she was totally not that funny before she became confident. She’s so awesome!)