Rape Jokes

The other day I was watching some show on TV. This show had two hosts, a man and a woman, and they had on two “social commentators,” i.e. people who talk on the Internet. They were discussing a joke that the comedian Daniel Tosh had made. Tosh joked that his girlfriend was mad because he’d replaced her pepper spray with silly string, and then “she got raped so bad.” Cue laughter. A woman in the audience heckled him and said “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!” Someone can’t take a joke, amIright?! Tosh said: “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” So the heckler and her friend left. They were there to see Dane Cook and didn’t know who Daniel Tosh was.

 In case you missed the Internet-chatter about this joke, let me briefly explain why it was so bad. It’s not just a joke against a minority group (women), it’s someone who holds power in the majority making a joke about how powerless the minority is. I’ve offended my fair share of people with my “humor,” and I felt super embarrassed when they called me out on it. I was aware that I was broaching a powerful subject, and it didn’t feel good to have it pointed out that I was doing it wrong. But I am especially listening when I make those potentially offensive jokes, so that next time I’ll have a better idea of what jokes will actually be funny and which will make me sound like a bigoted asshole.

 Yes, Tosh made two rape jokes, one being hella oppressive, the other being possibly amusing. But it gets worse. Let me tell you what the talk show hosts and their guests concluded: 1. If we start saying topics are off-limits to comedians, we might as well go back to Stalinist Russia. 2. If you get offended by rape jokes, you can just leave, and 3. You have no sense of humor, you angry feminist (probably)lesbian with hairy armpits.

So let’s review:

 Comedian makes a shitty joke.

 When legitimately called out, comedian reaffirms the misogyny behind his joke when he suggests that several people in the room rape another person in the room.

The TV says the comedian was in the right. Or possibly that he shouldn’t have said that, but that it’s not as bad as voicing anti-rape (joke) sentiments.

Not only does this show send the message that rape is kinda funny and everyone should think so, but also that if you say that (joking about) rape is not OK, you are seriously lame.

I’m not going to make a blanket statement condemning rape jokes. Humor is a powerful tool, and if that’s what’s going to work to get your ANTI-RAPE message across, then it’s an acceptable topic. What I am going to do is condemn the rape discourse in this country. The rape discourse says that when you get raped, you did something to bring it on yourself, and please shut up about it because we really don’t want to hear you complain. Also, are you sure? You probably wanted it and then changed your mind, you lying slut. Gotta watch out for broads like that. Did you know nearly 1 in 6 men get falsely accused of rape? It’s terrible. Wait… what was that? Oh! Sorry. It’s actually 1 in 6 women get real-life raped. 1 in 33 guys get raped, too. That’s right, there’s a 3% chance your dad got raped, and a 17% chance your mom got raped. And a 17% chance your girlfriend got or will get raped. And if you have 6 female friends on Facebook, it is statistically extremely likely that one of them has been, or will be!, raped. And you’re in there, too, don’t worry! Even if you think rape doesn’t have anything to do with you, there is a 3-17% chance it’ll happen to you yet. Downer :(

But what’s the problem with comedians making offensive jokes? It’s the power dynamic. Rape victims making rape jokes: possibly funny. Women making rape jokes: possibly funny. Men making rape jokes: probably not funny.

I think Tosh’s original joke about the silly string was a funny idea. What isn’t funny is being a man (i.e. potential rapist) and saying that. What isn’t funny is the fact that your audience is predominantly (or at least 50%) male. What isn’t funny is being one woman in a sea of men who think it’s funny to rape you. It is of the utmost importance that men stop accepting rape. Are minorities supposed to avoid getting discriminated against? No, the majority has to stop being racist dicks. Women are always told ways to “avoid getting raped.“ But it is men who need to stand up and not allow this kind of evil behavior from their own kind.

 Rape jokes aren’t the problem. There are many ways to joke about rape that express how bad it is, not how amusing and acceptable it is. The problem is men who publicly laugh at and suggest rape as an appropriate response to anything ever. The problem is the public discourse that excuses male chauvinism and silences women who speak up. That is exactly what creates a culture in which rape is allowed.